Look,We live in an age when our kids are more connected than ever before. We now live in an age when information travels around the globe in seconds and is on YouTube minutes after it happens. Kids now text more (14,000 times a month in my house) than call their friends and even I at 33 have to lot to learn about how things have changed since I was 16.
Social media like Twitter, Myspace and Facebook have changed the rules. We now proudly post what's going on in our lives more than ever, and the rules have changed since we were young and used to call the girlfriend for hours at a time.
The most important rule that you can remember as a parent/grandparent is that while your kid might have status updates on Facebook, you really don't have any business commenting on them. Keep in mind that the kid put the update up there for his friends, and having mom or grandpa commenting constantly on his wall is going to find another venue that you can't find to vent on.
A parent constantly on a kid's Facebook is like your parents listening in on your private phone calls (weren't they all private phone calls) and chirping in all the time. You know the type:
You "Oh my GOD! I can't believe that she said that!"
Your Friend "I know RIGHT, What was she thinking!"
Your mom from the kitchen, "What did she say?"
Not cool-ever.
So here is what I suggest. Read your kid's Facebook/Myspace/Twitter/Friend Finder, whatever. Keep up with what is going on in his life. It's your job as a parent to know what is going on in your kid's life. He is putting a good bit of it up there, read it. However, don't comment on his wall. It is like the parent in the conversation above. Mom should make a note that there is something up with one of the kid's friends, but bring it up when you guys have time to talk to one another. You know, face-to-face. That's what our kids need more than anything else, our time. So if you are parenting on Facebook or using it to keep in touch with kids that you don't see much, maybe it is time to re-evaluate your relationship with your kid/grandkid.
He needs your time/not you stalking him on Facebook.
you need to add "or PARENTS?!" because, yeah, that's my Mom... I'd say "hey Mom, read this." But she might get offended. I told her to stop one day, and she said all my statuses were on her page.. (she was right, but it wasn't her page, it was the home page. She didn't know the difference...) But she literally gets on and comments on every status I have. =/
ReplyDeleteThat is tricky-it is hard to say 'Leave me alone' without offending anyone. However, I think that if a link to this was left on your page and you said that it made you LOL, then maybe the point would come across and not offend anyone. Then again, who knows?
ReplyDeleteOkay, since you asked:
ReplyDeleteOne of the issues here is that there's no such thing, for example, as "Amber Simmons". I'm one person to my husband, another to my children, another to my parents, another to my coworkers, another to my boss, etc. All of these personas are truly me, and yet sometimes these personas conflict with expectations people have about you. If Grandma is used to seeing your sweet, polite side, she might e surprised to hear you cussing up a storm with your works buddies.
The trouble is that Facebook, for better or for worse, brings all your social networks into one place, and all these very different people get to see you the same way: and some of these people may be in for a shock at what they see. Them's jut the breaks.
So, to address the parent/child/writing-on-the-wall question, I think it really depends on the dynamic between the kid and parent in question, and how aware the parent is about the many personas their kid has adopted.
I comment on my 11 yo's wall. But I feel okay with that b/c she and I have a very close RL relationship. We're friends. I would never embarrass her and I wouldn't butt in on conversations that were clearly not intended for my involvement. I get the whole "many personas, one person" thing. But not all parents/people do.
So I know it's chicken shit to be all, "It depends!" but it does depend. You probably shouldn't friend your kid at all unless you're willing to accept the reality that who you think they are and who they are to other people aren't always the same thing. You have to be okay with that.
@Amber: True, but there is a difference between commenting on all of you 11 year old's statuses (in which case they are really young and using the internet) in comparison to commenting on all of your 18 year old or 24 year old's statuses. Unfortunately there ARE parents out there that butt themselves in to FB conversations their child is having with other people their own age.. (i.e. my mom) =P
ReplyDelete